A page for recruiters

Don’t worry, life will continue to happen even if you take a few minutes to read some funny quotes, and recharge yourself a bit :)

(not my own collection)


Change a light bulb

A recruiter asks a job candidate, “Why do you expect such a high salary when you have no experience in this field?” The job applicant replies, “Well, the job is much harder when you don’t know what you’re doing.”

My boss told me, “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Wonder Woman.

Recruiter: “Your resume shows 20 years as a senior executive at the CIA.” Candidate: “Yes, and they are instructed to neutralize anybody who tries to verify it.”

A recruiter asks a job candidate, “How long were you in your last position?” The applicant replies, “I’d say my biggest weakness is my listening skills.”

I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, “I want you to try and sell this to me.” So I put it under my warm, walked out of the building and went home. Eventually he called my cell phone and said, “Bring back my laptop!” I said, “$200 and it’s yours.”

“I’m looking for a job where I am politely ignored and left to my own devices. With unlimited internet access, doughnuts, and coffee.” A recruiter asks a candidate, “What’s your biggest weakness?” The applicant replies, “I don’t know when to quit.” “You’re hired.” “I quit.”

A recruiter says to a job candidate, “In this job, we need someone who is responsible.” The job applicant replies, “I’m the one you want. In my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

Why did the recruiter cross the road? To recruit a chicken.

Why recruit the chicken? He knew it would accept a poultry salary.

A recruiter asks a candidate, “Why did you leave your last job?” The job applicant replies, “It was something my boss said.” “What did he say?” the recruiter asks. “You’re fired.”

Why did the scarecrow get the job? He was outstanding in his field.

A koala and an elephant apply for the same job, and they both get turned down. They ask the recruiter why the employer rejected them. The recruiter replies, “Your koalafications are completely irrelephant.”

“I quit my job working for Nike. Just couldn’t do it anymore.”

“I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. It’s really something I could see myself doing.”